benjamin's birthday

here's some from my journal april 4th:

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9 am-well, big sister shirts and benjamin's onesie are made. erin's letter is written (i wrote a letter to give her in the hospital). the diaper bag is packed. the bottle warmer is working. everything is in place. erin went to the hospital around 5 am. her mom was going to text janine updates (which she'll send to christie who will tell us). so now, we wait. yesterday, my heart was sad and heavy, grieving for erin and fighting against anxiety to fully trust You to hold our hearts come what may the next few days. Lord, today I just feel excited.

12:08 no news. checking e-mail and trying to stay busy. julia just played uno and won twice. so ready to know something!

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the updates we got via e-mail:

6:14 pm (Erin's mom) sent a text to Janine simply saying that a c-section may be needed b/c baby’s heartbeat drops unless Erin in sitting up. No details re: dilation, when they will know further, or anything else. Will let you know as soon as I hear anything else.

8:32 pm Latest update is Erin is at 8 cm and the baby is moving down birth canal. May have a vaginal birth after all, but they still do not know for sure. Since she still has not delivered, we may need to rethink tomorrow, depending on how she is feeling and if she has a c-sec. I don’t know how late Erin's mom will call Janine, but if I hear I will let you know!

8:52 Now they are saying baby’s heart beat is really strong and are more hopeful for vaginal delivery.

9:52 pm He should be here soon…head all the way down and she is 9 cm!

back to my journal:

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he's here! after a long day of waiting, praying for no c-section (his heart rate would drop unless she was sitting up)-he's finally here. 9 lbs 10 oz 20.75 inches long. thank you for so many answered prayers today.

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re-reading all of this brings back so many memories. having had two c-sections myself, i so didn't want that for erin. the physical scar and permanent reminder (not that she will ever forget), the super long physical recovery (in addition to dealing with her grief). we begged God, and He was gracious.

this was also a night when a huge, huge storm came through. we had the girls in the hallway, flashlights ready, and jon and i were in benjamin's room sitting on the floor, praying when the power went out, and we were interrupted with the girls' needs. by the time we were able to pray again, benjamin had arrived. the prayers then were soaked with my tears. he was healthy and here.

i love the tenderness of this photo.

*sweet, precious erin sent us tons of photos printed out and in an album, and she also sent us CDs with the photos. are you starting to see why i love her so??