glimpses of grace

the last two weeks have been challenging.  i have been vague in my posts.  partly out of necessity and partly out of sheer fatigue.  over the last month or so, we have realized that my struggle with sickness (migraines and sinus infections) over the past 5 years has made parenting abby a less than consistent venture. 

so as my body has begun to heal (praise GOD for ae and cathlyn and shaklee supplements!), my eyes have been opened more and more to just how much of abby's behavior i have ignored, brushed off and tried to avoid.  the results have been less than lovely in her character.

we started requiring of her what the Lord requires.  obedience.  no whining.  no complaining.  no arguing.  and to say that we were (and are) met with resistance would be quite the understatement.  in case you haven't met abs, she is a passionate soul.  and when she is good, she is very very good, and when she is bad, she is awful.  she's a hitter.  a kicker.  a screamer.  and yes, she is four and still hitting.  most of it is directed at me.  most of it is her extroverted heart's cry for ALL of my attention.  and yes, it is a complete and hideous lack of self-control.  earlier this week, in the middle of her receiving some counsel, she picked up a big toy truck and was about to throw it at my head.  AT MY HEAD!!  WHAT!?!?!  custard's last stance came to mind.

in the middle of all of these hard days, there have been such sweet glimpses of grace.  that's what i wanted to share with you.  but grace isn't grace without need.  and now you see my need.  i'm not a perfect parent.  not close.  and no, that's not a thinly veiled attempted to get parenting affirmation.  and abby (and julia for that matter!) are not perfect children.  we need grace.

so those glimpses...

a friend that lives in japan who i rarely correspond with wrote this to me:

Dear girl!  I just felt like God wanted me to tell you that you are doing a great job with your children and building into their lives.

You are doing great things by His grace.

i was so utterly discouraged when she sent this (and an e-mail this week that was equally encouraging.)  it amazed me.  she doesn't see me parent. i was just reminded that God will gently lead and encourage those of us who have little ones.  he sees my heart.  he covers my failings with his grace.

we also had company and abby's behavior was less than stellar.  i noticed rolled eyes a couple of times from our guest, and my heart just broke.  didn't they know how much we were trying?  how much she is learning?  how hard our week was in training?  didn't they see our hearts?  no.  they didn't, but the Lord sees.  the next night, i was discouraged yet again (someone else rolling eyes!  good grief!)  i was pondering our many shortcomings as parents, and i looked outside.  the sky was pink.  it's a special thing between me and the Lord.  an intimate reminder to me that He loves me.  loves me dearly.  i nearly wept.

and then this morning.  one thing that i do with abby is try to just pray throughout our day together.  nothing fancy.  nothing big.  just pray as we go.  we pray when we hear sirens.  all the time.  this morning, abby told me she heard a siren late last night and prayed.  then, we discovered that our dear neighbor friends' youngest daughter drank motor oil last night and was rushed by ambulance to the hospital late last night.  abby was being faithful--and in the process prayed for her friend without knowing.  God is at work in her heart.  amazes me.  (and our little friend is okay.)

so thanks beck for the reminder to look for glimpses of Him.  He truly is everywhere.